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Obits: And, wellerer. What to take away, what has been learnt, and facing the music.
Tue, 31 Oct 2006

Like so many recent episodes of Battlestar Galactica, I shall start at the end and work backwards. (Apologies to the walking souls on this Halloween Day for having miraculously tied Battlstar Galactica to funerals. Point, game.) This is the last in this series of Obit posts.. a quick walk through the funeral that was yesterday. I had actually written a more sorrow-oriented opener to this entry yesterday right before leaving for the funeral, so that my writing style shift from begin to end would be more obvious.. but this next morning my spirits about the matter have so changed that I cannot keep it. With the passing of the funeral has gone the period of mourning and my eternal happyness is returning so I cannot write in that same frame anymore. I am sorry to see that emotional context gone, but it is my way -- it is time for the living now.

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Obits: And, weller. More private notes for me to read in the future.
Sat, 28 Oct 2006

I've been away from a PC for a day or two now (amazing!), but I do see a few brave folks posting comments to my prior entry. I figured the material was too personal and heavy to touch with a 90-foot pole, but I very much appreciate them :) At any rate, permit me some grammatical mistakes and so on with these more emotional and unedited posts.

Yesterday I popped by to visit with my mother, and then over to my grandparents place - to begin picking things up, to start packing up, and gather some heirlooms for my little family. I thought it would be difficult to see my mum or enter the grands place, that seeing any number of items might set me off .. but it was .. not like that. I guess my mum has the hardest job, of writing a eulogy, but I figured this visit would be tough as well. (At least the eulogy needn't be sad, but can be a goodbye instead, since really it is a joyous occasion we had the grands for so long compared to many other people.) It was a little surreal of course, entering the place, but maybe because she passed after my grandfather and was somewhat expected to pass, or maybe because I'm older and wiser now, or maybe because some others perhaps nabbed trigger-items I don't know - but I just found it .. dry instead of difficult. In a way it was comforting to know that when it came to it, the items and things held little value, that it was really just her, and them, that had made it a warm place to visit. Of all their many years, they didn't have so many things really but it was their showing up at soccor practice, or visiting them in Florida and Disney Land, or staying with them for a couple weeks every summer as a child -- that was value. I tell you -- in my 20s (and now?) when I was working my tail off for 50-80 hours a week, I wasn't so wise enough to know what life was about but somewhere around .. now maybe, I've started to figure it out. Kids just cannot get it and perhaps they're better off for it :)

Value is when my brother, grandpa and I were going to hop in a little aluminum boat and go fishing in some little lake; it has a sand bar.. some mountain of sand erupting out of it -- has to be manmade and should be locatable with Google. I was the youngest, so he asked if I'd gone to the bathroom and was good to go. He dressed me up in the life jacket and we loaded up the tackle and paddled/motored out into the middle of the lake.. I remember the sound of the water lapping against the boat and how far out we'd gotten. Then I had to pee. Value is -- when he didn't toss me into the lake, but took me back to the trailer or cottage :)

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Obits: And, well. Private thoughts. Read only at your own risk.
Thu, 26 Oct 2006

Really, read on only if you want bare uneditted immature crap. This is one of those sad moments, while I've been fine for hours since I got the call. This is that moment of sadness after someone dies, and then I'll be good forever again as this passes.

See, its weird. When some folks pass on, you barely know them; others you've known your whole life but still do not effect you much. Lastly, there are those that when they go, for some unknown reason, for a few minutes once in awhile you feel like a little kid again - wondering what the heck happened and if you should've - could've - done anything differently. I suppose this note is not so much for anyone else, but for me to read sometime later and think back on what it was like this moment. I'm sure I'll be ashamed for posting it, since I'm a 30-something and not a 'tween' :P

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Obits: Too soon you find yourself growing up again..
Tue, 24 Oct 2006

I know I know, three-quarters of the folks visiting this blog (thus suggesting I have 4 or more readers, woowoo ;) are looking for geekery I bet, and theres been too much personal stuff lately; it comes in waves, so don't worry I'll geekout again soon. I do consider making half the blog posts private, just for myself, and leaving only the impersonal stuff out here.. but like so many millions of people (mostly twelve?) here it is, laid bare, fool that I am.

People are always amazed when I mention I still have three grandparents left (and the one only passed a few years back.) I suspect this will be a bad year for all of them however. Thats okay, they have lived long lives and I don't have too many regrets, and I guess it is the way of things -- with a little one on the way its the universes way of keeping balance.

What is awful about the current situation is my one grandmother is almost certainly going to pass on this week.. today, tomorrow, the next day. Now, its nice her children are there with her, but I can barely stand the status reports they pass along -- each morning being awoken by the dreaded phone - you reach for it assuming the worst -- but its just another status update and instructions where to find maternity wear. I'm just not the sort to handle that sort of mental assault daily, in the early AM. Daaaaaamn. Guess I'm a wuss. Shes a tough old gal, told she wouldn't make it another year many years back, but the cancer has got her number this time for sure.

She's a good woman; Old folks always seem like superheroes - cut from another cloth. Decent, strong, always there for you. I always assumed its just because you were tiny and they were old and wise, but it still bends your world a little when they go. Yeah yeah I know, I'm the emotional sort. Guys can be tough and still have a few emotions. I blame my wife for finding them :P

So what do you say to her? Anything? Last time I called, the other day, she wasn't able to speak so I had a message relayed to me. She's pretty close, so we're on good terms. She knows I care. But with mere hours or days to go I have an opportunity to say or pass along something .. but for the life of me I have no idea what I should say. So far I guess I'm just .. taking status updates, since I know my mum needs to get them off her chest.. I just don't have much input back.

On the phone over the years, my grandmother always said "Give my love to your wife." at the end of each call. This time, the message relayed was subtely different, and with her being a very intelligent woman despite the morphene haze I expect she meant it as her last words to me: "Take care of your wife."

Maybe I read too much into it, but that one phrase breaks me up.

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R.I.P. Michigan J. Frog, but go Discovery!
Tue, 26 Jul 2005

As we huddled around a cow-orkers desk watching a live feed of the launch of Space Shuttle Discovery, I saw on a news site that Michigan J. Frog has been axed by WB. I don't know about you guys, but when I was a wee tot I used to get quite the kick from hearing The Michigan Rag song from this guy (when no one was around) and the *CROAK* when other characters were nearby... ahh, Chuck Jones, you were the man. (Chuck Jones died early 2002 and was the voice of our youth -- Wile E. Coyote of course, but also Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig et al.)

And read the text carefully on this orange juice bottle - if its not O.J., what the heck is it? It says "pulp" on the top, and it contains O.J. in the ingredients, but surely from the verbiage its not O.J...

Ahright, got frogs, orange juice and space shuttles into one posting!

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R.I.P. Scotty, Rainbow Islands
Fri, 22 Jul 2005

(resisting 'beam me up' and 'final frontier' references)

Was ol' Scotty the reason so many people got into IT? Or was Mr. Doohan a poor actor who was typecast into oblivion? Well old chum, happy trails. (Anyone who brings up the obligatory "He's dead..." will be fed through the nearest 16-year-old anorexic.) After quickly reading a few obit's, I've found he was Canadian and one of the potential causes of his Parkinsons was exposure to chemical weapons on Juno Beach during World War 2. Man.

Aside: I need to find some old old game reviews - like the original reviews for Space Invaders and Pacman. They were new, and were The Shiznitz for their time, but really.. how much is there to say about gameplay in Space Invaders? (And trust me, I know all the cheats and hacks and inner workings ;) I was about to say, comparing to say, Halflife 2, that todays reviewers have it easy since theres a lot of gameplay to discuss. But then I realized about HL2 that like Space Invaders, theres a player and some bad guys to shoot. Still, I'd like to see those original reviews...

This came up since I've been tempted, as en exercise in shutting down the mind before bed, to write reviews for older games that I liked. Some new content for the web, and maybe a way to ease down the mind. But I already know - if thats how I ease my mind down someone might as well put a bullet in me now ;) (In case you're curious, I was thinking of reviewing the Bubble Bobble early games, like Rainbow Island..) (Normally I read for half an hour before hitting the sack. I'm a big fan of newspapers, but they're too grimy and full of sensationalist muck to fall asleep to.. so any good pocket novel will do.)

And yes, I'm very proud of the fact no one else alive would group those words together in a title.

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